Oct 10 2009
At Church? REALLY?
Today was a day filled with, “Are you serious?” moments. Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize, a bomb threat at the Rose Garden during the Women of Faith conference and a young man being attacked at a church youth group gathering. Is attacked too strong a word? How about assaulted? I cannot think of any other words that apply in this situation.
Let me say that the youth is fine, aside from a bruised ego and the lingering thoughts of the pain inflicted upon him. Embarassment kept him from bringing up the incident when it happened. How does a relatively shy boy explain to an adult he knows only relatively well that he was bullied by a girl who kicked him in a man’s most sensitive area? (Right now I can see all the men doubled over in pain.) Were it not for his open relationship with his parents this incident might have gone unchecked.
What is a parent supposed to do in a situation like this? In this litigious society many would say, “Sue the adults in charge for not protecting the boy” while others might say, “It’s just kids being kids.”
Problem number one, these are not kids, animals, baby goats. These are young men and women. Second, this happened at a church event so one would assume that the young people in question are being raised to follow in the footsteps of Christ. (That may be a stretch. As I remember youth group it was more of a social club, but one can still hope.)
This is a delicate line here. One side says to kick the offender out and don’t allow her to attend future gatherings while the other says this person obviously needs what church has to offer. The evidence suggests that this particular young person is not taking advantage of The Message that is (hopefully) being shared in her youth group.
Situations like this one really cement my resolve that I am doing the right thing in home schooling my children but now I must reconsider their participation in church events where we-the parents-are not present. Today in our home Bible study we were discussing the strength God gives us to do what He wants us to do even when we feel weak. This led to a conversation about standing up to bullies by not fighting them or not responding when they start yelling at you. With God’s strength we can remain calm and the only one who will look foolish is the one screaming for no reason.
The young man who was being picked on attempted to use humor to diffuse the situation which was when he was attacked. How do we explain to our children why someone would do something so senseless when we don’t understand it ourselves?
Are there really no safe places anymore?
This bothers me. I’m sorry for what happened to the young man–both painful and embarrassing. At the same time, I’m grateful for his relationship with his parents. I know a family who attended a Christian School in our area. A little Black girl who attended the Christian School also attended the same church as two bullies. They tomented her horribly at church one evening–not sexually–but the incident was ugly in the extreme. Her mother reported it to the school, and the school expelled the boys. That sounds extreme, but I wonder. Perhaps the boys–and their parents–needed a loud message in order to understand the seriousness of the boys’ actions.
Hello Kathleen
This is a bit difficult. Even if the parents are believers, it does not mean that the children are. And of course, children can be very silly. The Bible says that “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child”.
Is the youth group providing purposeful activities, or just a snooker table and fizzy drinks? The old saying is that ‘The devil makes work for idle hands’, and unless there is some service/mission or teaching or some sort of meat and potatoes, then that leaves them able to get into trouble/squabbles.
You and I are not putting our children in school, and yet today’s youth groups can have many of the same disadvantage and issues as a crowded classroom. Ours are still quite little, but this is emerging as a concern. I do sometimes help out at events, since the help is welcomed anyway. Also, with more adults around there is less likelihood of out-of-control behaviour. Andy is also very good at spotting which children need to be watched a little more than others, and will alert me to that (”Be careful of Curtis around so-and-so”). It also helps if we are known as parents who will pull up our own children about their misbehaviour, because it makes it easier to approach leaders about incidents.
And, you will have to say something about what happened. I dunno if asking general questions about how things are going would be a useful preliminary to discussing the attack. It may well be that the group has become too large, or that there are not enough helpers to keep an eye on things. Then you could say, “That makes sense, because something has happened …”
Don’t fall for any line about this being how all children are nowadays. Christians must do better than that. If we don’t show them the way, who will? This girl needs to know that she assumed upon the boy’s good nature and old-fashioned chivalry. These days, if you kick a bloke in the goolies, he might well kick back. She needs to be wiser in her dealings with men. Also, many girls meet their future husband at the church youth group. What impression is she giving of herself to a potential mate? As a harpy who will strike out?
These are just my thoughts, being aware that I am an inexperienced mother. I did spend a few years working with da yoot, though.
Anthea